Affirmation of Life; High on Life; Amor Fati

Lately I have been reading „The Gay Science“ by Nietzsche and it resonated with me unlike any other book. All those beliefs I already held were solidified and been put into more articulate words than myself I ever could.

After recovering from Paranoid Schizophrenia for years, I feel like I'm a genuinely happy and content person. The Gay Science, in essence, is just Nietzsche's way of formulating his thoughts after severe sickness and suffering, recovering from it, and continuing with new strength. In fact, I would even argue you cannot grasp The Gay Science or Nietzsche in general if you haven't been severely ill; it is the phases of illness that made Nietzsche the way he was, and, as the preface says, it is in entirety a response to that. Obviously, Paranoid Schizophrenia is no physical illness (although technically a neurological illness, and not, unlike what many people believe, a mental illness), but I think the same things about being ill, suffering, being weakened, and then recovering apply here.

If it wasn't for my sickness, I would have never developed further as a person, I would have never had the same strength I have now, and I would be a completely different person. It changed me for the better.

I'm truly a lover of my own fate and I do not believe this to be a post hoc cope, rather than a strong convinction that developed from being ill for so long. Life is fucking beautiful and there is nothing like it. It's a gift to be alive and being ill and suffering is just part of it like anything else. You could say I'm, as they say, „High on Life“. I was interested – at least superficially – in Nietzsche, Amor Fati, the Eternal Reoccurance of the Same, and Life-affirming philosophy for a while, but recovering put me into a position that I can understand this way of thinking fully. I'm glad that I was put through all of this suffering, because otherwise I would be a weak, whiny, and defeatist person, and now all that pessimism is gone, all that depression is gone, all that thoughts of suicide are gone entirely.

In that way, Nietzsche was not life-changing itself, I do not think a book can do that if you do not already felt like that, but it made me understand myself better, and it gave my thoughts a form, a shape, and I will carry that on from now on.

Life is beautiful and I'm glad for every single minute of being alive.